[Shaun]

Originally Posted by Ammi

...maybe the ‘Christian’ thing though is not feeling comfortable carrying a grudge or unforgiveness around through life because it’s something that doesn’t fit and sit easily with them and maybe starts to overtake and push out more positive things which someone wants to keep...take over, type of thing...?...so it’s more ‘forgiving’ for themselves and self preserving...rather than the other person ‘deserving’..?...

...all I know is when my son was attacked, which was many years ago...I couldn’t in any way wish any bad on the person who did it because for me, that would have meant wishing bad on his mother../..his family...so I guess ‘forgiveness’ is an essential to self preservation and could be seen as a ‘selfish quality’ also...

I understand, but for me it's something that admittedly doesn't preoccupy me as much as it does, say, my uncle, so I can't really say it's something that I've carried particularly long. Especially since I was pretty young at the time and didn't quite appreciate the severity of it at the time. The problem was that the jail sentence was so minimal (I think he was out again after 3 or 4 years) that it added to the sense of injustice of it all.

Like you say at the end it does often come across as a trait to try and present yourself as 'better' than someone who is unforgiving, and ultimately I don't think it matters if you do or don't forgive someone for something like this, both sides are understandable and fair.