[AnnieK]

You need to talk to her Lewis and find out exactly what is going on. Does she want to stay friends. If so, you are both adults and need to deal with it together

[Lewismacfarlane]

Originally Posted by AnnieK

You need to talk to her Lewis and find out exactly what is going on. Does she want to stay friends. If so, you are both adults and need to deal with it together

Yesterday we were talking just fine but today I've heard nothing

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

Yesterday we were talking just fine but today I've heard nothing

…you were talking fine yesterday, do you think that you could be overthinking a bit, Lewis because you’re aware that her parents don’t approve the friendship…?….that would be easy to do as you know there are some negative feelings that may influence her thoughts…?…I know it’s difficult because you’re both in the same friendship group as well, Lewis…but keeping worries like this inside isn’t generally a good thing and I think having a chat with her atm would probably be the best plan….on a positive, if her parents haven’t approved the friendship…she’s still remained friends with you for 9yrs…?…so it’s a pretty strong friendship that I don’t think will be influenced very easily…?….we are all just now experiencing some freedoms we haven’t had so much either so maybe she’s just catching up with other people as well and a bit more socially active…try not to worry and just approach a gentle chat with her……

[Marsh.]

So sorry for your loss.

[GoldHeart]

But why don't the parents approve?

[Lewismacfarlane]

Its looking now like shes deleated me from social media

[thesheriff443]

There is a lot more going on in this friendship relationship thats not been said because it doesn’t add up.

I’m being a wanker here but are you or you friend on the spectrum autism Asperger’s ?
I’m saying this because of the parents being involved in a 25 year olds life.

[Ammi]

…you can try to contact her to try for a level of communication/explanation, Lewis…or maybe someone else in the friendship group that you have a particularly high level of trust with…?…but I also think that you may have to sadly start accepting that the friendship has no future and that it ending will lead you to opening new friendships as well and to feel happier within yourself….it’s causing you emotional uncertainty and it’s good for you to take steps in directions which will change that and allow other people into your life……

[Lewismacfarlane]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…you can try to contact her to try for a level of communication/explanation, Lewis…or maybe someone else in the friendship group that you have a particularly high level of trust with…?…but I also think that you may have to sadly start accepting that the friendship has no future and that it ending will lead you to opening new friendships as well and to feel happier within yourself….it’s causing you emotional uncertainty and it’s good for you to take steps in directions which will change that and allow other people into your life……

I really don't want the friendship to end

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

I really don't want the friendship to end

…I understand that, Lewis …but a friendship isn’t a ‘one person’ thing and atm it’s not something being pursued by her as well …so maybe just let it rest and give it space atm…

[Lewismacfarlane]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…I understand that, Lewis …but a friendship isn’t a ‘one person’ thing and atm it’s not something being pursued by her as well …so maybe just let it rest and give it space atm…

It's hard though

[Lewismacfarlane]

I just hope shes still my friend

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

I just hope shes still my friend

…we don’t keep all of our friendships through life, none of us do …but we don’t tend to lose mutually healthy friendships either…it’s a time to be strong, Lewis…and if she needs and time, to allow for that because that’s the way to be able to see if it indeed is a long term healthy friendship…we have to step back to see these things at times…

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…we don’t keep all of our friendships through life, none of us do …but we don’t tend to lose mutually healthy friendships either…it’s a time to be strong, Lewis…and if she needs and time, to allow for that because that’s the way to be able to see if it indeed is a long term healthy friendship…we have to step back to see these things at times…

I wouldn’t even say we don’t lose mutually healthy friendships. Not “at random” obviously but with things like big life changes/relocations. I kept in touch with several good friends from uni for years after leaving… but it’s a good 5 years since I spoke to any of them. Now I’m sure if I ran into one of them we’d still in fact “be friends” and have loads to talk about, but yeah… over time people drift. We’ve all moved all around the country (and world). That’s just life.

[AnnieK]

As sherrif said give her some time and space and if she reconnects with you that is great...if not, sadly it could be time to accept that that friendship is over

[Lewismacfarlane]

I understand that her father is unwell maybe that might have something to do with it

[Ammi]

…I think in the end though, Lewis…whatever things she has to focus on with her family right now…it’s to step back and leave space for her to do that….

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

I understand that her father is unwell maybe that might have something to do with it

Again I’d say you’re over-thinking it, any personal or family reasons aren’t really any of your business if you’re just friends. Are you SURE you just see it as a friendship? Because honestly the way you’re talking about it, and the importance you’re placing on it, makes it sound like that’s not the whole story…

[Amy Jade]

She's 25 and her parents decide who she's friends with and take her phone away? sorry she sounds really immature.

I'm younger than her and my mum would never do either, sounds like she needs to grow up and move out if her parents are that overbearing.

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Amy Jade

She's 25 and her parents decide who she's friends with and take her phone away? sorry she sounds really immature.

I'm younger than her and my mum would never do either, sounds like she needs to grow up and move out if her parents are that overbearing.

Honestly it’s not something I can even imagine, at 25 I had a one-year-old and lived 4 hours drive from both of my parents .

Also they had little to zero interest in my private life from about the age of 12 . NOT that I’m saying that’s normal either of course.

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

Honestly it’s not something I can even imagine, at 25 I had a one-year-old and lived 4 hours drive from both of my parents .

Also they had little to zero interest in my private life from about the age of 12 . NOT that I’m saying that’s normal either of course.

That’s why I’ve asked about her being on the spectrum because experience tells me for parents to be that involved there is two possibilities
One, she has her parents in her life because she needs them
Two they they are control freaks

[Lewismacfarlane]

Originally Posted by thesheriff443

That’s why I’ve asked about her being on the spectrum because experience tells me for parents to be that involved there is two possibilities
One, she has her parents in her life because she needs them
Two they they are control freaks

I never thought of her being on the spectrum she has mentioned before about special needs

[thesheriff443]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

I never thought of her being on the spectrum she has mentioned before about special needs

Then that answers a lot of questions about her and her parents

If she has special needs then her and her parents are going to have a very close relationship

That most people wouldn’t understand.

[Lewismacfarlane]

I just sèe this as a friendship shes like a sister to me

[user104658]

Originally Posted by Lewismacfarlane

I just sèe this as a friendship shes like a sister to me

If she sees it the same way she’ll also make the effort to stay in contact. If she doesn’t well then it’s not really what you want it to be and by clinging to it, all you’re doing is stopping yourself finding the relationships that are genuinely what you want.