[Cherie]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

can someone confirm

we have 3 active Toms on Tibb at mo

T*
Tom
TomC

is that correct?

Nothing gets past you LT

[TomC]

I got a second (third?) date!! <3

[Firewire]

KING of dating

[TomC]

Originally Posted by Firewire

KING of dating

I really thought the date went really badly Deffo need to up my game lol, glad I've been given a second chance

[Firewire]

Even if it did go badly he must've liked you and that's all that matters really

[TomC]

Originally Posted by Firewire

Even if it did go badly he must've liked you and that's all that matters really

Thanks, that's really reassuring

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by TomC

I got a second (third?) date!! <3

...haha, marvellous....(don't hold too much store in Facebook likes...your indication is your contact with him and that he wants more of it...)...

..Happy second (third) date, Tom......

[TomC]

Feeling **** right now.

I was feeling so good last night as well - i was really starting to get the impression he liked me - just by the tone of his messages and he said i seem nice and he's like to get to know me.

Yet, he decided he wanted to bring his friends to our date, and although I let him down lightly, I told him this wasn't really what I was after, and asked him if we could meet another time. He's now reverted to saying he's busy - we leave uni on Monday. That's 4 days away, and he's being really dry.

I think this goes to show how emotionally immature I am - I really wanna get answers, but ik that will just lead to embarrassment and kill any future hope.

[Jamie89]

Originally Posted by TomC

Feeling **** right now.

I was feeling so good last night as well - i was really starting to get the impression he liked me - just by the tone of his messages and he said i seem nice and he's like to get to know me.

Yet, he decided he wanted to bring his friends to our date, and although I let him down lightly, I told him this wasn't really what I was after, and asked him if we could meet another time. He's now reverted to saying he's busy - we leave uni on Monday. That's 4 days away, and he's being really dry.

I think this goes to show how emotionally immature I am - I really wanna get answers, but ik that will just lead to embarrassment and kill any future hope.

Why did he want to bring his friends along on a date? I once went on a date with someone and it turned out to be a meal with his friends (I thought it was just going to be us) and it was so awkward.

[TomC]

Originally Posted by Jamie89

Why did he want to bring his friends along on a date? I once went on a date with someone and it turned out to be a meal with his friends (I thought it was just going to be us) and it was so awkward.

Exactly - I'm glad I didn't go. It's really unfair he did that tbh.

I am trying to be kinda honest rn with him, but I hope it doesn't come off 'too much.' I'm just tired of playing games, and I need him to know that.

[TomC]

Originally Posted by Jamie89

Why did he want to bring his friends along on a date? I once went on a date with someone and it turned out to be a meal with his friends (I thought it was just going to be us) and it was so awkward.

oh and the excuse he used was that it would 'break the awkwardness' or somethng

[Jamie89]

Originally Posted by TomC

Exactly - I'm glad I didn't go. It's really unfair he did that tbh.

I am trying to be kinda honest rn with him, but I hope it doesn't come off 'too much.' I'm just tired of playing games, and I need him to know that.

I think you're doing the right thing, even if it doesn't work out sometimes things don't, but you'll be glad you were honest with him at least. It's the most mature thing to do imo so I wouldn't worry about that.

[Jamie89]

Originally Posted by TomC

oh and the excuse he used was that it would 'break the awkwardness' or somethng

Maybe he's the emotionally immature one? Or just not ready for dating? It's not a normal thing to do Dating can be awkward but you just have to get past it, not bring your friends along to help out.

[TomC]

Originally Posted by Jamie89

I think you're doing the right thing, even if it doesn't work out sometimes things don't, but you'll be glad you were honest with him at least. It's the most mature thing to do imo so I wouldn't worry about that.

I hope he doesn't think I'm crazy - I mean he shouldn't tbh, he's given the impression too.

I just feel like I've put so much time, thought and emotion into this over the last 3 weeks (sad I know, considering we've only met twice).

[Jamie89]

Originally Posted by TomC

I hope he doesn't think I'm crazy - I mean he shouldn't tbh, he's given the impression too.

I just feel like I've put so much time, thought and emotion into this over the last 3 weeks (sad I know, considering we've only met twice).

He shouldn't think you're crazy for showing interest, if he does then he's not right for you tbh. And it's not sad at all, it's just because you like him, there's nothing wrong with that.

[TomC]

Originally Posted by Jamie89

He shouldn't think you're crazy for showing interest, if he does then he's not right for you tbh. And it's not sad at all, it's just because you like him, there's nothing wrong with that.

Well he explained that he is just a chilled guy, and he genuinely is busy in the run up to us leaving. I guess I've just got to learn to be more chilled He says he's not prioritising guys atm. Like I do feel kinda clarified rn, I feel like I read into things too much lol.

[caprimint]

Originally Posted by TomC

I just feel like I've put so much time, thought and emotion into this over the last 3 weeks (sad I know, considering we've only met twice).

I know this kinda thing can be disappointing but honestly this sort of thing happens a lot throughout life. Might feel like a 'waste' as such, but it's really not because you've learnt more about yourself (and most likely what you want, or don't want in a relationship). If you didn't invest your time in anything then you wouldn't get anywhere. Don't feel down about that side of it.

[Jamie89]

Originally Posted by TomC

Well he explained that he is just a chilled guy, and he genuinely is busy in the run up to us leaving. I guess I've just got to learn to be more chilled He says he's not prioritising guys atm. Like I do feel kinda clarified rn, I feel like I read into things too much lol.

That sounds reasonable tbh, like he just wants to take things slowly and not get heavily involved. Which is fair enough and good of him to be upfront about. It doesn't mean you have to change anything about yourself though, maybe you two just aren't that compatible after all, or are looking for different things, or it will happen at a later stage.

[TomC]

Originally Posted by caprimint

I know this kinda thing can be disappointing but honestly this sort of thing happens a lot throughout life. Might feel like a 'waste' as such, but it's really not because you've learnt more about yourself (and most likely what you want, or don't want in a relationship). If you didn't invest your time in anything then you wouldn't get anywhere. Don't feel down about that side of it.

I think I just need to chill more tbh. (note to self)

It's kinda to do with my desperation for a relationship, whereas this guy for example is experienced in relationships.

What also bothers me is that I feel i don't know many gay people - maybe i should get to more lgbt events lol.

[caprimint]

Originally Posted by TomC

I think I just need to chill more tbh. (note to self)

It's kinda to do with my desperation for a relationship, whereas this guy for example is experienced in relationships.

What also bothers me is that I feel i don't know many gay people - maybe i should get to more lgbt events lol.

I think things generally work out when you least expect...like if you try too hard and expect too much out of a situation then it can all go wrong really quickly. Being chilled about it is probably the best approach.

Just don't meet people in clubs.

[Ammi]

..I think it's hard not to be excited when we meet people that we like but then it's 'first time stuff' as well Tom...I think that most people would have equally put a lot of time and thought etc into the last few weeks...he says he's just a chilled but a chilled guy would have made you feel chilled yourself, it would have been the vibe you got from him...and he wouldn't have to tell you he was chilled/you would have felt it rather than the feelings of being confused and unsure...'his experience' should have equally made you feel more at ease and comfortable...the only note that you need to make to yourself is that you're fine as you are and being excited is all part of who you are and it's not about changing but about the person who is right for you at a specific time in your life and maybe not him..?.../..anyways, wherever this goes or don't go with this particular guy, don't go changin' young man......he's not all that with his experience and chilled-ness if he's made you feel so uncertain in his actions...

[TomC]

Originally Posted by Ammi

..I think it's hard not to be excited when we meet people that we like but then it's 'first time stuff' as well Tom...I think that most people would have equally put a lot of time and thought etc into the last few weeks...he says he's just a chilled but a chilled guy would have made you feel chilled yourself, it would have been the vibe you got from him...and he wouldn't have to tell you he was chilled/you would have felt it rather than the feelings of being confused and unsure...'his experience' should have equally made you feel more at ease and comfortable...the only note that you need to make to yourself is that you're fine as you are and being excited is all part of who you are and it's not about changing but about the person who is right for you at a specific time in your life and maybe not him..?.../..anyways, wherever this goes or don't go with this particular guy, don't go changin' young man......he's not all that with his experience and chilled-ness if he's made you feel so uncertain in his actions...

My friends don't seem to like how he's being - it's just too fickle. I mean I'm just going to try and stand back now, because clearly we're just coming at it from angles which are too different for it to really work, at the moment at least. It's gotten to the stage where I think it's become quite unhealthy - my mood literally has depended for about 10 days now on how things are going with him. Idk why I latched so hard on to him - I mean I do like him, but I am just to attached - I literally cried in private this morning after my friends told me I should leave it. (Really strange behaviour I know).

[Mokka]

Originally Posted by TomC

My friends don't seem to like how he's being - it's just too fickle. I mean I'm just going to try and stand back now, because clearly we're just coming at it from angles which are too different for it to really work, at the moment at least. It's gotten to the stage where I think it's become quite unhealthy - my mood literally has depended for about 10 days now on how things are going with him. Idk why I latched so hard on to him - I mean I do like him, but I am just to attached - I literally cried in private this morning after my friends told me I should leave it. (Really strange behaviour I know).

Aww, hon
Love, the feelings surrounding love, the depth of love.... these things are all uncontrollable by us, and some times we just have to ride the waves of them out. Sometimes our feelings get really deep really fast in a relationship, despite our better judgement... that doesn't make them not real.... but you do have to consider why that is? Is it him, and him and you together making you feel so attached? Or is it your own feelings about love and a relationship at this time? I know you think you have put in a lot of time and emotion towards this guy....but it is merely a drop in the bucket of how long it takes to get to know someone, and know if they are right for you, and with you. So give it more time if you feel there is something there, but don't let it be your only source of happiness in life. Emotional independence is sexy in a partner. Codependency tends to send people in the other direction.

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by TomC

My friends don't seem to like how he's being - it's just too fickle. I mean I'm just going to try and stand back now, because clearly we're just coming at it from angles which are too different for it to really work, at the moment at least. It's gotten to the stage where I think it's become quite unhealthy - my mood literally has depended for about 10 days now on how things are going with him. Idk why I latched so hard on to him - I mean I do like him, but I am just to attached - I literally cried in private this morning after my friends told me I should leave it. (Really strange behaviour I know).

..hawww.....it is so not strange behaviour at all, Tom..it's very understandable behaviour, as you say your mood and emotions have been so much in the last 10 days and it's a release to that..your friends are being protective toward you and don't want you to be hurt because they care about you and that's understandable as well...(these are your uni friends that you've recently met..?...and they care about you this much already so a really positive thing to focus on as well in helping..)...but as much as we care about people and obviously don't want them to be hurt when we think someone is wrong in their lives...we can't always stop from happening because it's all experiences that we need to have/even those painful ones...all things we need to get there on our own with to a large extent because it's all part of growing as people...you have positives to hold onto with this guy and you have negatives so I think that stepping back a bit and giving your emotions a rest from the last 10 days of being hurled about is a good call...that will help you hopefully with your own perspective...but whatever happens I think that you were always right to not leave open for 'what ifs' and regrets because even a door closed if that happens is much better than one never opened...because once that door is closed, it leaves the way for another to open and that door/person to be so much more perfect for you...the hardest thing to move on from is regrets/what ifs and not risking our hearts and emotions.....

[TomC]

Originally Posted by Mokka

Aww, hon
Love, the feelings surrounding love, the depth of love.... these things are all uncontrollable by us, and some times we just have to ride the waves of them out. Sometimes our feelings get really deep really fast in a relationship, despite our better judgement... that doesn't make them not real.... but you do have to consider why that is? Is it him, and him and you together making you feel so attached? Or is it your own feelings about love and a relationship at this time? I know you think you have put in a lot of time and emotion towards this guy....but it is merely a drop in the bucket of how long it takes to get to know someone, and know if they are right for you, and with you. So give it more time if you feel there is something there, but don't let it be your only source of happiness in life. Emotional independence is sexy in a partner. Codependency tends to send people in the other direction.

Originally Posted by Ammi

..hawww.....it is so not strange behaviour at all, Tom..it's very understandable behaviour, as you say your mood and emotions have been so much in the last 10 days and it's a release to that..your friends are being protective toward you and don't want you to be hurt because they care about you and that's understandable as well...(these are your uni friends that you've recently met..?...and they care about you this much already so a really positive thing to focus on as well in helping..)...but as much as we care about people and obviously don't want them to be hurt when we think someone is wrong in their lives...we can't always stop from happening because it's all experiences that we need to have/even those painful ones...all things we need to get there on our own with to a large extent because it's all part of growing as people...you have positives to hold onto with this guy and you have negatives so I think that stepping back a bit and giving your emotions a rest from the last 10 days of being hurled about is a good call...that will help you hopefully with your own perspective...but whatever happens I think that you were always right to not leave open for 'what ifs' and regrets because even a door closed if that happens is much better than one never opened...because once that door is closed, it leaves the way for another to open and that door/person to be so much more perfect for you...the hardest thing to move on from is regrets/what ifs and not risking our hearts and emotions.....

These posts are just both so lovely and make so much sense

I stupidly sent him a drunken message last night about how I feel. This morning, I apologized and explained where it came from, saying that we're coming at this from different angles, and I feel like I've been lifted up a lot recently and then dropped a little. He seems kind of understanding but also said he was doing normal dating procedure. the last thing he said was just 'yeah'.

I guess that's it then - I'm pretty convinced now I've completely messed it up and he's been completely scared away by my outpouring of emotion. This hurts sooo much. Like I was really into him, and kissing him was one of the best moments in my life so far, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be, even if I was convinced it was for weeks. I know this sounds dumb, but how do I move on from this, something which has been a pretty big part of my life for like nearly a month now?