[Vicky.]

After a few incidents with the kids I have James living full-time with me now. There's a senior school across the road from me but Gavin is blocking me switching him to there and I can't get him to the school he's currently registered at. So having looked over stuff I think homeschooling is the best plan for us ..but I also don't know where to start! Just wondering if anyone else has done this and how it went..how easy/hard it is...did the child seem happy etc

Am at my wits end with all this **** now tbh. All because Gavin's being awkward..

[thesheriff443]

I’m sorry you going thru this , no experience with home schooling
What valid reason has gav got for him not going to the new school?
Or is just being a twat

[Vicky.]

Because Gavin wants James living with him so is trying to make everything as hard as possible. James wishes to remain with me and he's now at an age where his wishes should really be taken into account...he's apparently being assaulted often by his sister and dad doesn't do anything about it...he stated he doesn't feel 'safe' going back to Gavin's, and no way am I sending him when he's saying things like that, regardless of what trouble I could get into

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

Because Gavin wants James living with him so is trying to make everything as hard as possible. James wishes to remain with me and he's now at an age where his wishes should really be taken into account...he's apparently being assaulted often by his sister and dad doesn't do anything about it...he stated he doesn't feel 'safe' going back to Gavin's, and no way am I sending him when he's saying things like that, regardless of what trouble I could get into

Is it his half sister who is assaulting him or Skye? What age is she/James? If I were you I'd maybe contact social services for advice on both the custody arrangements and how to change his school/start home schooling in this situation

[caprimint]

I don't have any personal experience with it, but my neighbours kids were homeschooled. I didn't really know them very well but they all seem like a decent family and the kids seemed happy, they spent a lot of time together and didn't mix with others as much probably back then, but that can be a personal preference too. Sorry to hear this is happening tho, it sounds really stressful

[AnnieK]

I have a friend who homeschools her daughter. She is in year 10 and she pulled her out of school last year due to bullying and the local authority couldn't offer her another place locally so she has homeschooled since then.

I've just asked her and she uses lots of online resources and said this is one of the best https://www.thenational.academy/

Her daughter misses the interaction with nice kids but not the bullying and so she makes sure she has lots of social stuff going on too.

[Ammi]

…I guess that the only thoughts that I can give, Vicky …(…not having experience of home-schooling my own children…)…is, having worked in the school environment for many years, we’ve had many children placed in school from home schooling experience and at the other end…?…we’ve had some children been taken out of of the school in favour of changing to home-schooling…(…I think, less taken out of than placed into a school environment…)…but with those who have been taken out and their opting for home-schooling…?…after a relatively short period of time, they’ve been placed with another school as opposed to home schooling continuing…obviously the reasons for that will vary…

…I think that there are lots of positives in home schooling in terms of you knowing James as a parent and being able to taper his education to his wants and needs and strengths etc…and home school children often do perform well academically because of that, that they’re able to have so much time devoted one to one…but obviously there’s the social aspect to consider as well with all of the activities etc that a school may offer…and just a general social environment of them working alongside peers in group situations…you say that you’re not able to get James to his present school, Vicky…?…would someone be able to get him elsewhere easily to take part in activities and for social reasons etc…?.. and even in visiting museums etc in terms of his learning processes…?…I mean, would transport in general be difficult…(…this is all rhetorical btw, just things to consider…)…there’s a lot to consider, I think but it does work for some so it’s just about researching it all and knowing that it feels right for you and James…I’m so sorry that you’re in this position, though and I’m so sorry that James isn’t happy and hasn’t felt safe…it really does have a feel from his father of being very controlling and I can understand how you’re feeling a bit despaired and lost with it all right now……


…I was looking for a UK site/forum because I think that talking to other ‘a five’ home-schooling parents atm would really be helpful in giving you some thoughts about the practicalities and what’s involved etc…(…also the education authority and social services should give you guidance as well…)…but it’s good to have actual parents in the same situation/who have been and who home school every day…the first site that came up was the mums et one but I think it must be a specific section so worth looking at…?….

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/home_ed

[Ammi]

…I don’t know if this is any help also, Vicky…

https://www.home-education.org.uk/forums.htm

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by AnnieK

I have a friend who homeschools her daughter. She is in year 10 and she pulled her out of school last year due to bullying and the local authority couldn't offer her another place locally so she has homeschooled since then.

I've just asked her and she uses lots of online resources and said this is one of the best https://www.thenational.academy/

Her daughter misses the interaction with nice kids but not the bullying and so she makes sure she has lots of social stuff going on too.

…I think that’s very much the thing, Annie…knowing that a home-school child is not going to have restrictions in terms of travelling to either social or educational/learning activities…

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Is it his half sister who is assaulting him or Skye? What age is she/James? If I were you I'd maybe contact social services for advice on both the custody arrangements and how to change his school/start home schooling in this situation

Skye. She's 13 now, he's 11. The social have been useless, there was a support worker involved because Skye's refused to go to school for months..the support worker seems to care about nothing but school attendance. Have a meeting with school on Friday so will see how that goes but it's really looking like this is my only option at the min

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by AnnieK

I have a friend who homeschools her daughter. She is in year 10 and she pulled her out of school last year due to bullying and the local authority couldn't offer her another place locally so she has homeschooled since then.

I've just asked her and she uses lots of online resources and said this is one of the best https://www.thenational.academy/

Her daughter misses the interaction with nice kids but not the bullying and so she makes sure she has lots of social stuff going on too.

Thanks, will have a proper look at that later. There does seem to be a lot of homeschooling resources online, probably since COVID. It's a bit.. intimidating though I have to be honest

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…I guess that the only thoughts that I can give, Vicky …(…not having experience of home-schooling my own children…)…is, having worked in the school environment for many years, we’ve had many children placed in school from home schooling experience and at the other end…?…we’ve had some children been taken out of of the school in favour of changing to home-schooling…(…I think, less taken out of than placed into a school environment…)…but with those who have been taken out and their opting for home-schooling…?…after a relatively short period of time, they’ve been placed with another school as opposed to home schooling continuing…obviously the reasons for that will vary…

…I think that there are lots of positives in home schooling in terms of you knowing James as a parent and being able to taper his education to his wants and needs and strengths etc…and home school children often do perform well academically because of that, that they’re able to have so much time devoted one to one…but obviously there’s the social aspect to consider as well with all of the activities etc that a school may offer…and just a general social environment of them working alongside peers in group situations…you say that you’re not able to get James to his present school, Vicky…?…would someone be able to get him elsewhere easily to take part in activities and for social reasons etc…?.. and even in visiting museums etc in terms of his learning processes…?…I mean, would transport in general be difficult…(…this is all rhetorical btw, just things to consider…)…there’s a lot to consider, I think but it does work for some so it’s just about researching it all and knowing that it feels right for you and James…I’m so sorry that you’re in this position, though and I’m so sorry that James isn’t happy and hasn’t felt safe…it really does have a feel from his father of being very controlling and I can understand how you’re feeling a bit despaired and lost with it all right now……


…I was looking for a UK site/forum because I think that talking to other ‘a five’ home-schooling parents atm would really be helpful in giving you some thoughts about the practicalities and what’s involved etc…(…also the education authority and social services should give you guidance as well…)…but it’s good to have actual parents in the same situation/who have been and who home school every day…the first site that came up was the mums et one but I think it must be a specific section so worth looking at…?….

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/home_ed

Yea was going to look on Mumsnet tonight, they are generally good with ideas and support

The main problem for me is I don't drive so relying on buses for 4+ hours travel a day is kinda unfeasible. I'm also worried that if I do take him to old school on the bus, Gavin will pick him up early and then god knows what would happen..and yes he's very controlling, part of the reason I divorced him. I asked school if they could refuse to release him to Gavin and they said they can't as he has parental responsibility too

[AnnieK]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

Skye. She's 13 now, he's 11. The social have been useless, there was a support worker involved because Skye's refused to go to school for months..the support worker seems to care about nothing but school attendance. Have a meeting with school on Friday so will see how that goes but it's really looking like this is my only option at the min

Do you have 50/50 custody?

[AnnieK]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

Thanks, will have a proper look at that later. There does seem to be a lot of homeschooling resources online, probably since COVID. It's a bit.. intimidating though I have to be honest

There's a few Facebook groups as well I think - they may be able to talk you through it and where to start

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

Yea was going to look on Mumsnet tonight, they are generally good with ideas and support

The main problem for me is I don't drive so relying on buses for 4+ hours travel a day is kinda unfeasible. I'm also worried that if I do take him to old school on the bus, Gavin will pick him up early and then god knows what would happen..and yes he's very controlling, part of the reason I divorced him. I asked school if they could refuse to release him to Gavin and they said they can't as he has parental responsibility too

…yeah, the only time the school wouldn’t release a child to a parent is if there was a court order in place but I’m assuming that isn’t the case…otherwise they would have to release him to his father…

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by AnnieK

Do you have 50/50 custody?

Yup, not court ordered or anything, was just decided between us

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…yeah, the only time the school wouldn’t release a child to a parent is if there was a court order in place but I’m assuming that isn’t the case…otherwise they would have to release him to his father…

That's what they said yeah.

Am trying to get mediation sorted to help but that seems a long process too

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

Skye. She's 13 now, he's 11. The social have been useless, there was a support worker involved because Skye's refused to go to school for months..the support worker seems to care about nothing but school attendance. Have a meeting with school on Friday so will see how that goes but it's really looking like this is my only option at the min

…have you spoken to anyone and let them know that you don’t feel that you’re getting any support that you need right now…?…

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

That's what they said yeah.

Am trying to get mediation sorted to help but that seems a long process too

…this is where schools/heads can intervene a lot in terms of getting help speeded up or be completely hopeless, I have to say…but sit back and let them be hopeless, make your voice heard constantly in saying that you need help now…

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…have you spoken to anyone and let them know that you don’t feel that you’re getting any support that you need right now…?…

I tried ringing to get a proper social worker rather than this 'support worker' (who only cares about school) and all that happened was support worker was told I had an issue so she rang me to claim nothings wrong. So am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

This support worker even outright lied to me stating the only reason she's involved is because of attendance while school safeguarding lead told me it was because of Skye's behaviour towards James too..

Am so stressed about it all

[Ammi]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

I tried ringing to get a proper social worker rather than this 'support worker' (who only cares about school) and all that happened was support worker was told I had an issue so she rang me to claim nothings wrong. So am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

This support worker even outright lied to me stating the only reason she's involved is because of attendance while school safeguarding lead told me it was because of Skye's behaviour towards James too..

Am so stressed about it all

…and you’ve tried contacting social services directly as well and not just through the school…?…this is actually bordering on negligence based on what you’re saying, Vicky…a child has said that they don’t feel safe at home, that’s a declaration that James had made and this isn’t being fast tracked to social services right now…especially as you’re also considering home-schooling him…this is crazy, I would seriously hound that school/that head and social services…

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by Ammi

…and you’ve tried contacting social services directly as well and not just through the school…?…this is actually bordering on negligence based on what you’re saying, Vicky…a child has said that they don’t feel safe at home, that’s a declaration that James had made and this isn’t being fast tracked to social services right now…especially as you’re also considering home-schooling him…this is crazy, I would seriously hound that school/that head and social services…

Yea rang someone called 'first contact' which is apparently meant to refer you to social worker but all they said was a support worker is already involved. So I tried complaining telling them she refuses to acknowledge the violence James has suffered and again I was told support worker was involved already. Then she rang me back asking why I was complaining about her and that she's already doing all she can. I gave up with them at that stage.
I sent a long email to schools safeguarding lead which was a bit better, they confirmed that Skye's attendance wasn't all that the support worker was involved for, said it was also violence against James and James stating he doesn't get breakfast (!) and violence. Everything seems to now be hanging on something called a taf meeting which is on friday

[AnnieK]

Is James with you currently Vicky? I would not be letting him go anywhere if he is - keep him safe until this meeting on Friday. Is Gav doing anything to deal with Skye? How is she with James when they are with you?

[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by AnnieK

Is James with you currently Vicky? I would not be letting him go anywhere if he is - keep him safe until this meeting on Friday. Is Gav doing anything to deal with Skye? How is she with James when they are with you?

Yea he's been with me since boxing day. James says Gavin does nothing while he's being tormented. Usually it's general sibling bickering but last time she was here she wouldn't leave him alone and was poking and prodding him for nearly two hours so I sent her back to dad's late on at night... James was breaking his heart

That's last time I saw her and main reason I refused to send him back. After this incident James told me how he hates life at his dad's because of this kinda behaviour plus violence

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Vicky.

Skye. She's 13 now, he's 11. The social have been useless, there was a support worker involved because Skye's refused to go to school for months..the support worker seems to care about nothing but school attendance. Have a meeting with school on Friday so will see how that goes but it's really looking like this is my only option at the min

Ah that's terrible Vicky, does Skye still come to yours as well now or not? It's hard enough raising kids when both parents are working together but it's near impossible when you're not a united front because kids will be kids and will play you off against each other. Is there anyway you could get a court order to say James can move schools?