[Chuck]

Valentines day here is celebrated in June, but as I was never lucky enough to have a boyfriend on Valentines day, I pretend it doesnt exist and I tell people its just a stupid date celebrated by pretentious couples.

But on your Valentines day I usually go to an Irish Pub with my mates on my last attempt to find a shag, but Its usually packed with straight masculine foreigners, which is exactly what my mates are looking for.

I go home jealous of my mates, lock myself in my bedroom, drink vodka and sing at the top of my voice with Amy Winehouse:

"He walks awaaaaay, the sun goes down. He takes but I'm grown. And in your way, in this blue shade, My tears dry on their own."

The next day, They call me wondering if those foreigners are the ones*.

* - The ones they are gonna marry with, SO they can get an european passport/green card.