[Ammi]

..when I visit my mum, I often go with her to visit her mum and dad's grave...not so much to pay respects for me but more that it's a time when she reminisces about them and about her childhood etc and I never knew my grandma/she died when I was a baby so I love to hear my mum's stories is the reason really and that's the time she talks most about some things../and weirdly it's just her and I time and getting to know my mum before she was my mum as well...I've only ever visited my dad's grave one time and it so much made me feel that he wasn't there/all that was there were his ashes but that's not him...and I hate the fact that my mum feels a link to where his ashes are so that she is disabled from living a life without him and moving closer to those who love her/the living who love her...which would be moving away from his grave...people we love/have loved and have had great meaning in our lives are in our hearts and in the things we are/they're a part of us so they're with us wherever we are always so I don't personally feel the need to visit a place of burial of a body or ashes etc...

[Jamie89]

I never have, the relatives I've had who have died have been cremated. I've never visited where their ashes have been scattered though.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by caprimint

But why do you have to go to a grave to show respect?

They are never going to know whether you visit it or not. It's all in the mind if you feel a 'connection' or whatever.

I agree, I find talking about the person, looking through old letters/photos etc is a much better way to remember the person and keep their memory alive

[Vicky.]

No. I am not religious in the slightest. Obviously most can tell the rest of my opinion from this little snippet...so I won't go into it as its rather insensitive to those who do visit graves.

[caprimint]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

Incorrect, it is life affirming to recognise what has come before you, its nothing to do with religion, its about being alive

Who has hacked your account?

Originally Posted by Niamh.

I agree, I find talking about the person, looking through old letters/photos etc is a much better way to remember the person and keep their memory alive

Totally agreed with this.

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by caprimint

But why do you have to go to a grave to show respect?

They are never going to know whether you visit it or not. It's all in the mind if you feel a 'connection' or whatever.

Personally I find it sad to see unkempt graves, it feels like no one cares

[kirklancaster]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

I agree, I find talking about the person, looking through old letters/photos etc is a much better way to remember the person and keep their memory alive

Apart from our children carrying our genes throughout their lives and passing them on to their children, it is exactly THAT what you say above which keeps us immortal Niamh, whether we are religious or not. While ever SOMEONE is TALKING about us, THINKING about us, and REMEMBERING us with love and respect after were gone, we LIVE.

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

I agree, I find talking about the person, looking through old letters/photos etc is a much better way to remember the person and keep their memory alive

You can do both?

[Benjamin]

Originally Posted by Cherie

Personally I find it sad to see unkempt graves, it feels like no one cares

This. It' feels like 'oh they're buried now, let's move on'. Otherwise you may as well just be cremated and scattered.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by kirklancaster

Apart from our children carrying our genes throughout their lives and passing them on to their children, it is exactly THAT what you say above which keeps us immortal Niamh, whether we are religious or not. While ever SOMEONE is TALKING about us, THINKING about us, and REMEMBERING us with love and respect after were gone, we LIVE.

Exactly. I want to be cremated anyway, I don't want a grave stone or anything like that

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by Cherie

You can do both?

If you like, I won't stop you I was just talking about myself

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Exactly. I want to be cremated anyway, I don't want a grave stone or anything like that

I don't want to be buried either, it's one of my biggest fears.

[caprimint]

Originally Posted by Cherie

Personally I find it sad to see unkempt graves, it feels like no one cares

Tbh I find it sad that people see it in that way because a grave means nothing about how much you care about that person. It's supposed to be a personal thing rather than trying to prove it to others.

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Exactly. I want to be cremated anyway, I don't want a grave stone or anything like that

Same.

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

If you like, I won't stop you I was just talking about myself

Oh were you, okay

[Ammi]

..I guess how my thoughts are is that at some point that grave will become unkempt in time but at no point will they not have had great meaning in your life and the lives of other generations as well in many cases...

[Ammi]

..I guess it's knowing the person as well..?...my dad would very much have been, don't be spending your time visiting my ashes young lady just be off to the pub with you and have a drink on me../or some such thing...it's something he wouldn't have felt had any meaning...

[Cherie]

Originally Posted by caprimint

Tbh I find it sad that people see it in that way because a grave means nothing about how much you care about that person. It's supposed to be a personal thing rather than trying to prove it to others.

Fine I guess, not sure why we are debating this, as it is very personal, it would have been nice if people could state what they do without 40 questions about it, but that's TIBB for you.

[LaLaLand]

Yes we always make sure to go birthdays/Christmas with flowers and like every few weeks just to tidy up and clean and what not.

Very calming places cemeteries. I just go and sit somedays thinking!

[T*]

Originally Posted by caprimint

Meh. I don't see how it has any real meaning if you're not.



Most likely something you've been brought up to do just because your family do.

My family isn't religious either.

[T*]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

In Italy the headstones have photos on of the person, its a lovely idea

Some do over here too, it's nice

[T*]

Originally Posted by Cherie

Fine I guess, not sure why we are debating this, as it is very personal, it would have been nice if people could state what they do without 40 questions about it, but that's TIBB for you.

It really is silly and it's annoyed me quite a lot

[Firewire]

Most of my deceased relatives were cremated. If anyone is to be buried in the future though I would visit them. The amount of times would increase based on how close I was to them.

I don't think it has anything to do with religion.

[Calderyon]

Yes, every Christmas.

[caprimint]

Originally Posted by T*

My family isn't religious either.

Wasn't saying that, my point was that you more than likely follow their tradition rather than deciding for yourself given your age as well (without sounding patronizing).

[Ninastar]

No I don't and I should really. I just find it really uncomfortable.