[Vicky.]

Originally Posted by DemolitionRed

This is incorrect. I could, for example, tell my partner I have a fantasy about rape and rough sex. He, if he has any sense, is going to be extremely cautious about how this fantasy is approached. He would need to protect himself from later being accused of rape and protect me because perhaps its just a fantasy and the reality could make me freak out.

Everything is consensual up and until one person says 'no'. My partner could play that rape game with me or have rough sex with me right up to the point of me saying 'no' or using a previously arranged safe word. If I call out that safe word, then he must stop because if he doesn't, he could find himself up on a charge in a court of law. Remember, we all have the right to change our mind at any given moment.

A fantasy is nothing more than a sexual desire and if you are going to make it reality, you better make sure you have enough control to stop that fantasy when things start going Pete Tonge.

Yup. People don't seem to get that consent can be withdrawn at any stage in the encounter. Even if someone decides halfway through that they don't want to do it. If the other keeps going after the no...or puts pressure on the person who said no, then it is rape.

In this case though it does seem like it wasn't actually rape. But I am unwilling to be naming the person accusing of being a liar without knowing the actual details of the case. The police MUST have thought there was reason to prosecute. Given they tend to disregard rape cases pretty easily. Yes, they should have looked through these messages (and if she really did send 40k messages then I would say she has a mental illness tbh) and they really messed up there. But there must have been some actual reason why they did think it was rape. he said, she said is not good enough to secure a prosecution, unless its a historical case where no actual evidence would be there realistically, which this wasn't. They just don't push ahead with prosecutions with no chance of success.