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UserSince2005 · 03-10-2016, 07:42 PM

stop playing games, gays are the worst for that.

If you want to speak to him, speak to him, if you dont want to speak him, dont speak to him.

y.winter · 03-10-2016, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TomC

I mean yeah, I'd say considering we haven't even met yet that it's very driven by fantasy

And also just the intense desire to be in a relationship atm, and he's just someone my imagination latched onto.

Actually, when he cancelled I was going over to his and he supposedly fell asleep lol.

My initial feeling was to try one last time in a few days to initiate meeting for coffee or something, the same time we were meant to last week (even though my friends advised against this

), and if he doesn't respond well to that/sounds disinterested, then it really is time to give it up right?

The best advise I can give you is don't make it technical. This is not a chess game. Don't overthink it.
If you're just looking to be in a relationship and it's just "casting" the first guy that walks across the street and is qualified enough for the "position" - then don't expect it to be something more than this. Are you willing to start something like this?
If you're really into him, then continue and let the story unfold. You do your best. When you feel it doesn't go anywhere and you just drag yourself around it, stop it - you'll know when it comes to that point.

TomC · 03-10-2016, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by y.winter

The best advise I can give you is don't make it technical. This is not a chess game. Don't overthink it.
If you're just looking to be in a relationship and it's just "casting" the first guy that walks across the street and is qualified enough for the "position" - then don't expect it to be something more than this. Are you willing to start something like this?
If you're really into him, then continue and let the story unfold. You do your best. When you feel it doesn't go anywhere and you just drag yourself around it, stop it - you'll know when it comes to that point.

I'm not really sure what you mean by the middle bit. He is in my halls so I see him quite a lot, it's not just some randomer

And like are you saying the third paragraph in contrast to the second or like even if I'm not sure if I really like him can I still give it another go?

Thanks so much for the advice btw

y.winter · 03-10-2016, 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TomC

I'm not really sure what you mean by the middle bit. He is in my halls so I see him quite a lot, it's not just some randomer

And like are you saying the third paragraph in contrast to the second or like even if I'm not sure if I really like him can I still give it another go?

Thanks so much for the advice btw

Sorry if it came out a bit confusing. What I meant was that there are 2 options:
1. You're driven by the general desire of being in a relationship for the sake of it more than being in a relationship because the right guy is finally here. I personally won't go there if it's not the real deal.
2. You're truly interested in him and it's not a rushed decision just to satisfy your urge to be in a relationship. If that's the case - keep the conversation going and try to meet.

TomC · 03-10-2016, 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by y.winter

Sorry if it came out a bit confusing. What I meant was that there are 2 options:
1. You're driven by the general desire of being in a relationship for the sake of it more than being in a relationship because the right guy is finally here. I personally won't go there if it's not the real deal.
2. You're truly interested in him and it's not a rushed decision just to satisfy your urge to be in a relationship. If that's the case - keep the conversation going and try to meet.

You've gotta remember though I'm basing it on nothing more than looks, style and just general aura. In terms of those things he's pretty ideal - would it change anything if I told you I rejected someone who liked me a few weeks back? Like I'm not just going for anyone.

y.winter · 03-10-2016, 08:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TomC

You've gotta remember though I'm basing it on nothing more than looks, style and just general aura. In terms of those things he's pretty ideal - would it change anything if I told you I rejected someone who liked me a few weeks back? Like I'm not just going for anyone.

I understand. I didn't think you're going for anyone

Looks like he has what you're looking for and you barely even started - so there's no reason to stop atm. Let things happen, and you'll be fine. Good luck

VanessaFeltz. · 03-10-2016, 08:56 PM

slay tom!!!! you are doing greatly listen to your gut, you will always find the answers

TomC · 03-10-2016, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by y.winter

I understand. I didn't think you're going for anyone

Looks like he has what you're looking for and you barely even started - so there's no reason to stop atm. Let things happen, and you'll be fine. Good luck

Haha sorry I realise that sounded a tad rude

Thanks so much for your advice. In light of the ambiguity of our last exchange, I'm just gonna try and play things exactly the same as I did last week, and if he doesn't seem that fussed I'll just have to leave it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MelihV

slay tom!!!! you are doing greatly listen to your gut, you will always find the answers

hahaha thanks. I really hope I find something

caprimint · 03-10-2016, 09:13 PM

I would try one last time then give up if he rejects you or cancels again. Honestly though you have got nothing at all to lose by asking, you've got more to lose (the possibility of you guys really getting on and liking each other) by not doing so.

TomC · 03-10-2016, 09:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by caprimint

I would try one last time then give up if he rejects you or cancels again. Honestly though you have got nothing at all to lose by asking, you've got more to lose (the possibility of you guys really getting on and liking each other) by not doing so.

This is actually so true tbh. My friends are so concerned about 'playing it cool'. I mean it may be a bit embarrassing, but I guess it's worth one last try.

caprimint · 03-10-2016, 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TomC

This is actually so true tbh. My friends are so concerned about 'playing it cool'. I mean it may be a bit embarrassing, but I guess it's worth one last try.

'Playing it cool' can quickly turn into 'she/he's not interested, I'm done here' from the other point of view. One of the main things I've learnt is that you have to show a certain amount of interest in the other person to keep their attention.

Jamie89 · 05-10-2016, 05:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TomC

sooo...

the meeting fell through because of a certain hangover of mine and we agreed to meet again but that time he cancelled

Ever since then I started to feel he wasn't that interested in meeting. He said we could meet any time, but in a friendly way initially, but suggested he was open to development. I feel like I've been blown off a bit, and I'm not sure if it's too needy to message again to try and arrange something

My friends came to the conlcusion today he's just not worth it because it's obvious from the messages I'm more into him than he is to me, but maybe he's just chilled, and it should also be considered we've not even met yet. The hard thing is though I just like him a lot in terms of looks and it's so hard to walk away and stop trying when I have been for almost two weeks now. I didn't talk about things to people so as not to look stupid, but obviously you run away with ur imagination sometimes. It's also really hard because we came so close to meeting twice, and in the first instance it was my fault we didn't.

Situations like this are sooo hard to read, and i don't wanna lose dignity. Should I just leave it?

It's so hard to tell how someone feels just from their messages so I'd try not to read much into it if I were you, he might be trying to come across a certain way for example. You can't really know how into you he is from them. You won't lose any dignity in pursuing him/the situation by the way, like Caprimint said there's more to lose by doing nothing, and Winters advice is great too!

Quote:

Originally Posted by TomC

This is actually so true tbh. My friends are so concerned about 'playing it cool'. I mean it may be a bit embarrassing, but I guess it's worth one last try.

Your friends mean well but 'playing it cool' is the worst advice imo

I think we all probably want to be chased and have relationships just happen but they don't, think about what 'playing it cool' actually means... it means 'do nothing', and if you do nothing you get nothing imo.

TomC · 05-10-2016, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jamie89

It's so hard to tell how someone feels just from their messages so I'd try not to read much into it if I were you, he might be trying to come across a certain way for example. You can't really know how into you he is from them. You won't lose any dignity in pursuing him/the situation by the way, like Caprimint said there's more to lose by doing nothing, and Winters advice is great too!

Your friends mean well but 'playing it cool' is the worst advice imo

I think we all probably want to be chased and have relationships just happen but they don't, think about what 'playing it cool' actually means... it means 'do nothing', and if you do nothing you get nothing imo.

Hmm well I reinitiated the convo recetly but he was talking about someone else he got with last night... Pretty bad sign right?

I've just started to think, maybe he isn't the nicest person (I've certainly heard of him messing someone around), and maybe all he's getting from this is a massive ego boost.

Our latest convo has now ended and my gameplan was to mention tonight meeting up one last time, but after reflection and convo with my friends maybe he just really isn't worth it. But he still is in my head a lot lol.

Jamie89 · 05-10-2016, 06:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TomC

Hmm well I reinitiated the convo recetly but he was talking about someone else he got with last night... Pretty bad sign right?

I've just started to think, maybe he isn't the nicest person (I've certainly heard of him messing someone around), and maybe all he's getting from this is a massive ego boost.

Our latest convo has now ended and my gameplan was to mention tonight meeting up one last time, but after reflection and convo with my friends maybe he just really isn't worth it. But he still is in my head a lot lol.

Oh, yeah that does make him sound a bit of a twat

Still though I don't think you can really know someone over messages. Maybe he thinks by saying it it'll make you jealous and more interested or something (which still isn't good but it makes him more misguided rather than someone who's a bad person to go out with). If it was me I'd ignore my friends and go with my gut instinct on it (and would just go for a coffee or something if I did meet).

Mokka · 05-10-2016, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maru

Oooh thank you for giving me an idea. I needed some late night decomp and I've been stuck outside the past few days working on a fence. So I created some memes just for fun...

way too OTT... but super funny Maru

TomC · 05-10-2016, 06:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jamie89

Oh, yeah that does make him sound a bit of a twat

Still though I don't think you can really know someone over messages. Maybe he thinks by saying it it'll make you jealous and more interested or something (which still isn't good but it makes him more misguided rather than someone who's a bad person to go out with). If it was me I'd ignore my friends and go with my gut instinct on it (and would just go for a coffee or something if I did meet).

Tbh I'm just gonna be super casual with it from now on. If I see him on a night out, so be it. If I feel like inviting him over cos the flats over, I will. Like he's clearly a very chilled guy, so there's actually no point trying to force him into something that he doesn't normally do if you know what I mean?

TomC · 05-10-2016, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maru

Oooh thank you for giving me an idea. I needed some late night decomp and I've been stuck outside the past few days working on a fence. So I created some memes just for fun...

Omfg how did I not see these

Ithinkiloveyoutoo · 05-10-2016, 07:04 PM

Sometimes. I mean if someone really wanted to talk to you they would make the effort.

Jamie89 · 05-10-2016, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TomC

Tbh I'm just gonna be super casual with it from now on. If I see him on a night out, so be it. If I feel like inviting him over cos the flats over, I will. Like he's clearly a very chilled guy, so there's actually no point trying to force him into something that he doesn't normally do if you know what I mean?

Yeah that makes sense. Good luck with it! (And let us know if anything happens)

TomC · 08-10-2016, 03:42 PM

So I had my first proper kiss last night with him on top of a hill. He also stayed at mine. A life highlight perhaps?

I really don't wanna get too attached. We're meeting for coffee, but even after meeting him once, I want it so badly, yet I am so scared of getting hurt. I really don't wanna latch too hard onto this, but I really do like him. What if he ends it after our date? Like that would be awful and it's scary how emotionally attached I'm getting.