[Braden]

I get it, Lucas. I've had the ****test year.

I wanted nothing more than to be where I am in life atm, but it's been a miserable time for me. Luckily, I am getting better, but that has a lot to do with the changes I have made in my life. The term 'be careful what you wish for' comes to mind. If anything, this year has reminded me to be grateful for what I have, and don't try to force anything into place as life will never work like that.

As others have said, please seek professional help. What you're describing sounds like depression; you don't want to live but you don't want to die - that's exactly what it is, just feeling empty. I've been there and it sucks, but the weird thing about depresson is there can always be a glimmer of hope. It can be the smallest thing that makes you happy, as long as it doesn't harm yourself or others. Mine was watching Louis Theroux documentaries, funnily enough. I was so depressed I couldn't even watch the television. I had horrific brain fog, which I still suffer from, but it got better. Slowly but surely, I have started to feel human again. You can, too. It takes time, so don't give up.

Ammi (who I just want to say has been a star throughout my own struggle ) has sent content from a website called Bored Panda, and they posted this which brightened me up the other day:

https://www.boredpanda.com/positive-...ns-mauro-gatti