[ThomasC]

Originally Posted by Garfie

I think the problem is exactly that Ali does just say what she says and walks away, rather than allowing the other person to express their thoughts and feelings fully. This doesn’t, however, allow any room for discussion or reconciliation, and doesn’t allow the other person to feel heard.

If two people genuinely don’t like each other, it is better to accept that and walk away. In this case, Ali does give the impression that she really doesn’t like Khaled, whereas he seems to be perceiving the situation as a difference of opinion that he hopes to resolve. I don’t think he is coming from a place of dislike.

I don't think he is either, but he needs to have the emotional intelligence to stop badgering and move on. You can't make someone like you who doesn't. There doesn't even have to be a reason, some humans just don't like other humans based on vibes. It's human behaviour

[GoldHeart]

Wey I think Khaled knows now to stay well clear of psychopath. Emma was even advising him to leave it.

[ThomasC]

Originally Posted by GoldHeart

Wey I think Khaled knows now to stay well clear of psychopath. Emma was even advising him to leave it.

Thanks for your educated diagnosis.

[Garfie]

Originally Posted by ThomasC

I don't think he is either, but he needs to have the emotional intelligence to stop badgering and move on. You can't make someone like you who doesn't. There doesn't even have to be a reason, some humans just don't like other humans based on vibes. It's human behaviour

All perceptions are different, I know, but I don’t see his need to discuss something as badgering, unless he does it numerous times. Personally, also see him as someone with pretty decent emotional intelligence.

I don’t feel that he is trying to make Ali like him. In fact, I believe he recognises that she doesn’t, and accepts that’s her prerogative. In the real world, it is easy to accept that and walk away. However, they are in a very closed environment with a relatively small number of people, and they cannot either avoid each other or escape. I think his intentions are to develop a sense of understanding and resolution between them so that they can live more calmly and peacefully within the BB house without awkwardness, discomfort or conflict. That would surely be better for them both, and for other housemates.

[jet]

Originally Posted by Garfie

All perceptions are different, I know, but I don’t see his need to discuss something as badgering, unless he does it numerous times. Personally, also see him as someone with pretty decent emotional intelligence.

I don’t feel that he is trying to make Ali like him. In fact, I believe he recognises that she doesn’t, and accepts that’s her prerogative. In the real world, it is easy to accept that and walk away. However, they are in a very closed environment with a relatively small number of people, and they cannot either avoid each other or escape. I think his intentions are to develop a sense of understanding and resolution between them so that they can live more calmly and peacefully within the BB house without awkwardness, discomfort or conflict. That would surely be better for them both, and for other housemates.

[ThomasC]

Originally Posted by vesavius

See, that's the kind of bullshit self superior nonsense 'logic' people like Ali rely on to 'win'.

Swearing in no way invalidates an argument or valid point.

And deliberately trying to provoke someone into anger as an automatic 'win' button is a really toxic and weak personality trait.

It does show lack of intelligence and decorum though imo

Originally Posted by Garfie

I don’t feel his timing needs to be questioned. Ali didn’t waste any time in launching into him directly after he made his killer nomination last week, and didn’t show any consideration for the fact that the timing might be wrong for him. How can the same thing be fair for one and not the other?

I have an understanding of Ali, and empathy for her Autistic tendencies. However, alongside that goes the reality that all humans are flawed, all people can get things wrong and those on the Spectrum are not immune to that. And, just like any other person in this world, they shouldn’t be defended to the hilt when they do make mistakes, but encouraged instead to recognise errors in judgement and behaviour, so that they are given the opportunity to reassess and change if necessary.

Excusing or defending all they do, no matter what the impact, does them a disservice and is basically just enabling - it doesn’t show credit or respect for the intelligence and ability they have to reconsider, adjust, adapt or learn where necessary.

Originally Posted by Garfie

All perceptions are different, I know, but I don’t see his need to discuss something as badgering, unless he does it numerous times. Personally, also see him as someone with pretty decent emotional intelligence.

I don’t feel that he is trying to make Ali like him. In fact, I believe he recognises that she doesn’t, and accepts that’s her prerogative. In the real world, it is easy to accept that and walk away. However, they are in a very closed environment with a relatively small number of people, and they cannot either avoid each other or escape. I think his intentions are to develop a sense of understanding and resolution between them so that they can live more calmly and peacefully within the BB house without awkwardness, discomfort or conflict. That would surely be better for them both, and for other housemates.

Originally Posted by Garfie

I agree very much with the sentiment that empathy, understanding and respect works both ways. I understand why Ali might find this more challenging than most and respect that, but she is of high intelligence and her achievements and career would suggest she has a good capacity to learn. In fact, I would imagine those qualities are important in being a successful psychologist.

In the same way I have tried to understand Ali, I am trying to treat Khaled with equal understanding and respect. I don’t believe that demonstrating kindness, courtesy and compassion towards each other suggests someone is fake, devious or deceitful, even if they might appear to be trying too hard. If those were the worst crimes committed by the human race, I think the world would be a much happier place to live in.

I also wonder how many of those who judge Khaled so harshly have stopped to think about alternative explanations for his behaviour?

His early life experiences were in a country involved in conflict and he described growing up hearing bombings around him. As a young child, he must have been ultra-conscious of the dangers around him, alert to any sign of danger and fearful of how conflict could so easily escalate to a point of death and destruction. Therefore, it wouldn’t be unreasonable or irrational if he now feels the need to live with a sense of calm, stability and peace around him or why he has the urge to avoid confrontation and resolve conflict with others.

You raise very good and thought out opinions.

I can't disagree. What I do disagree with is the astounding hatred for someone,, to the point you would have thought she had committed murder. I think that is probably why I back her corner too

[vesavius]

Originally Posted by ThomasC

It does show lack of intelligence and decorum though imo

Intelligence? Quite the opposite.

Decorum? Subjective.

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-s...-a7916516.html

[Garfie]

Originally Posted by ThomasC

You raise very good and thought out opinions.

I can't disagree. What I do disagree with is the astounding hatred for someone,, to the point you would have thought she had committed murder. I think that is probably why I back her corner too

And so do you, by the way.
I’m totally on the same page as you regarding the extremes of hatred aimed at housemates, whether it be Ali or Khaled or anyone else. I just wish people would look beneath the surface, and remember the complexities of human nature, rather than judging housemates as if they were one-dimensional cartoon characters.

[ThomasC]

Originally Posted by Garfie

And so do you, by the way.
I’m totally on the same page as you regarding the extremes of hatred aimed at housemates, whether it be Ali or Khaled or anyone else. I just wish people would look beneath the surface, and remember the complexities of human nature, rather than judging housemates as if they were one-dimensional cartoon characters.

Spot on