[Jamie89]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Sorry I don't share, are you saying that wives are not pleasurable? That's a bit insulting don't you think? Also, I find this topic pretty sexist

I think it's a reality though that there is a lot of unfaithfulness that goes on, and that (not all but) most of it is carried out by men. Maybe Kate's suggestion would help in some situations?

[ChristmasNeeve]

Originally Posted by Jamie89

I think it's a reality though that there is a lot of unfaithfulness that goes on, and that (not all but) most of it is carried out by men. Maybe Kate's suggestion would help in some situations?

Help how exactly or more to the point who? Would it be an open relationship? If so why not just call it that? Having a mistress suggests unfaithfulness, lies cheating which is surely never good for a haelthy relationship and why only the man being allowed to cheat? Are we heading backwards into the 1950's?

Personally, I committed to being with just my husband when I married him and him to me, if he feels the need to go off with some girl who likes sleeping with other peoples partners then he's not the person I thought he was and I'd rather be single. If I got to the point where I don't enjoy being with my husband or him with me, then I'd rather be single then just stand around with my hands swinging while he goes off "pleasuring" himself with another woman

If I was single and wanted a bit of fun with no strings attached, I'd rather find another like minded man not some slimey cheating asshole.........but that's just me

[Jamie89]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Help how exactly or more to the point who? Would it be an open relationship? If so why not just call it that? Having a mistress suggests unfaithfulness, lies cheating which is surely never good for a haelthy relationship and why only the man being allowed to cheat? Are we heading backwards into the 1950's?

Personally, I committed to being with just my husband when I married him and him to me, if he feels the need to go off with some girl who likes sleeping with other peoples partners then he's not the person I thought he was and I'd rather be single. If I got to the point where I don't enjoy being with my husband or him with me, then I'd rather be single then just stand around with my hands swinging while he goes off "pleasuring" himself with another woman

If I was single and wanted a bit of fun with no strings attached, I'd rather find another like minded man not some slimey cheating asshole.........but that's just me

Well I mean, in the very specific example of how I read the OP which was 'a man has a wife and a mistress and they're all happy with that situation', compared to another specific situation of 'a man is cheating on his wife', I think the former is a better situation. That's not me saying it's an ideal that people should want, or that all married couples should view their gender roles a certain way or anything like that, but just that there might be some people in some situations who view it as a way in which they want to live their lives, and I don't see anything wrong with them making the decision to do that. It doesn't change your relationship.
Personally I would never be able to. I was actually in a relationship where my boyfriend wanted us to be 'open' and I ended it as a result. But everyone's different and if it works for some, then why not?

[ChristmasNeeve]

Originally Posted by Jamie89

Well I mean, in the very specific example of how I read the OP which was 'a man has a wife and a mistress and they're all happy with that situation', compared to another specific situation of 'a man is cheating on his wife', I think the former is a better situation. That's not me saying it's an ideal that people should want, or that all married couples should view their gender roles a certain way or anything like that, but just that there might be some people in some situations who view it as a way in which they want to live their lives, and I don't see anything wrong with them making the decision to do that. It doesn't change your relationship.
Personally I would never be able to. I was actually in a relationship where my boyfriend wanted us to be 'open' and I ended it as a result. But everyone's different and if it works for some, then why not?

Well, in Kates specific example, she wants to be the Mistress so in effect isn't even involved in the relationship in the first place which is what I find a bit off putting tbqh. Also she's suggesting that a man should have a Mistress for pleasure and the wife then for "the family" which means what exactly? to pop out the children, look after them and clean the house and that's where her role ends? Once she gets the ring on her finger she ceases having fun with her husband anymore?