[rusticgal]

Originally Posted by armand.kay

I mean I would’ve rather he just said who it was too, but I do believe he was trying to protect the person who said it.

Either tell the story in its entirety...or don’t say it at all. It may seem he is protecting someone but all it does is create speculation on his entire family.

[GoldHeart]

Originally Posted by rusticgal

That says it all...

Are you being serious !?

[Tom4784]

People who act like he should have said a name or nothing at all aren't interested in hearing who said it, they simply want to silence accusations of racism.

[GoldHeart]

Like i said either way Meghan & Harry can't win, there's no pleasing people.

[arista]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

a couple of examples here from the horse's mouth

i wonder how many years have to go bye before you stop being a racist?

This needs to be sent to his Wife.

[AnnieK]

Originally Posted by rusticgal

Well I love my husband but a few years ago someone said something that I didn’t want him to hear because it wasn’t a good time for him....she didn’t tell him and I never told him what she was about to tell him...that’s called looking out for someone you love and not giving them unnecessary angst...
...that’s my kind of love for someone. However if you think love is not giving a **** about causing your partner unnecessary trauma...then good for you.

How would your husband have felt though if she had told him and then told him you knew all about it? Surely that would seem like more of a blow? For me, if I had to hear something that I was not going to like, I would prefer to hear it from someone I loved and who loved me back rather than anyone else.

[user104658]

Originally Posted by AnnieK

How would your husband have felt though if she had told him and then told him you knew all about it? Surely that would seem like more of a blow? For me, if I had to hear something that I was not going to like, I would prefer to hear it from someone I loved and who loved me back rather than anyone else.

For me personally, if my wife had been keeping something (anything more than something very minor) "for my own good" and then I found out about it later by other means and that she already knew... It would probably damage our relationship quite severely. I know different people have different relationships but yeah, we often see things on TV where one half of a couple didn't know something "big" that the other knew and we're like "lol how does this happen I'd have been straight on WhatsApp..."

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by AnnieK

How would your husband have felt though if she had told him and then told him you knew all about it? Surely that would seem like more of a blow? For me, if I had to hear something that I was not going to like, I would prefer to hear it from someone I loved and who loved me back rather than anyone else.

Yep I'd absolutely feel the same. Look, I'm sure Rustic knows her own husband better than any of us do and every relationship is different, what works with one couple wouldn't suit every couple, neither is out rightly wrong though and in my relationship I'd rather know what was going on and rather my husband told me

[Niamh.]

lol snap TS I literally tell Gav everything and vice versa, that's how we roll

[Ammi]

...there is no right or wrong with that, we obviously know the person and our own relationship etc...so we do what we think is right...I also would never want something in that vein kept from me....I don’t need to feel ‘protected’ ...honesty is everything in a relationship for me, it’s the whole foundation of it...

[rusticgal]

Originally Posted by AnnieK

How would your husband have felt though if she had told him and then told him you knew all about it? Surely that would seem like more of a blow? For me, if I had to hear something that I was not going to like, I would prefer to hear it from someone I loved and who loved me back rather than anyone else.

If he was to have found out and knew that I knew he would understand that what I did was in his best interests considering the situation at the time...as I said he had been through some trauma and wasnt in the best mind set. If you love someone its only natural to protect them...thats not deliberatly lying its protecting. Since Meghan was supposidly suffering with mental health issues and finding it hard to adapt Harry could have addressed this issue with the family member and sorted it out without taking it back to his fragile wife and making her feel even worse.

Had my husband not been in a fragile state at the time then I obviously wouldnt have intervened...

[Crimson Dynamo]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

lol snap TS I literally tell Gav everything and vice versa, that's how we roll

its quite difficult to realise you are not being told something...

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

its quite difficult to realise you are not being told something...

Are you accusing my Gav of something here, hhhmmm?

[AnnieK]

Originally Posted by rusticgal

If he was to have found out and knew that I knew he would understand that what I did was in his best interests considering the situation at the time...as I said he had been through some trauma and wasnt in the best mind set. If you love someone its only natural to protect them...thats not deliberatly lying its protecting. Since Meghan was supposidly suffering with mental health issues and finding it hard to adapt Harry could have addressed this issue with the family member and sorted it out without taking it back to his fragile wife and making her feel even worse.

Had my husband not been in a fragile state at the time then I obviously wouldnt have intervened...

But its a personal thing though to each relationship isn't it? You say that's what you would have done, I would not do the same. That doesn't mean I feel any less love, just that I would handle things differently.

From the sounds of it Harry wasn't in the best place either and so may have handled it differently if his mental health wasn't fragile too.

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by AnnieK

But its a personal thing though to each relationship isn't it? You say that's what you would have done, I would not do the same. That doesn't mean I feel any less love, just that I would handle things differently.

From the sounds of it Harry wasn't in the best place either and so may have handled it differently if his mental health wasn't fragile too.

Well that's it isn't it, you lean on each other and support each other, a problem shared and all that. You can't tackle an issue properly if you're not being honest with each other, that's what I think anyway

[rusticgal]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

For me personally, if my wife had been keeping something (anything more than something very minor) "for my own good" and then I found out about it later by other means and that she already knew... It would probably damage our relationship quite severely. I know different people have different relationships but yeah, we often see things on TV where one half of a couple didn't know something "big" that the other knew and we're like "lol how does this happen I'd have been straight on WhatsApp..."

My husband was in a fragile state...not with mental illness or suicidal thoughts but that was the very reason I did what I did.
You all sound like you would kick a horse when its down...unbelievable. If that would damage your relationship severely thats rather sad...

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by rusticgal

My husband was in a fragile state...not with mental illness or suicidal thoughts but that was the very reason I did what I did.
You all sound like you would kick a horse when its down...unbelievable. If that would damage your relationship severely thats rather sad...

wow that's a very harsh thing to say Rustic, no one is saying what you did was wrong, your relationship is your relationship, I have no doubt you know best but accusing others of basically trying to rub salt in their partners wounds because they think honesty works best for THEIR relationship is out of line imo

[user104658]

Originally Posted by LeatherTrumpet

its quite difficult to realise you are not being told something...

Well yes exactly - you commit to honestly and trust that the other person is, that's all you can do, so then if you later find out that things have been hidden, it would severely damage the relationship (which is what I said to start with).

I didn't say its impossible to have a partner hide things and not know about it just that it would be a major, major issue if they were and it later came out via someone else or some other discovery.

[user104658]

Originally Posted by rusticgal

My husband was in a fragile state...not with mental illness or suicidal thoughts but that was the very reason I did what I did.

You all sound like you would kick a horse when its down...unbelievable. If that would damage your relationship severely thats rather sad...

I'm not really interested in your defensiveness here. You conduct your relationship as you see fit, maybe your partner would be worse off knowing certain things and you can make that judgement. You've only been offered a counter-opinion thst not everyone operates in the same way.

"Kicking a horse when it's down" is an... Erm... Interesting way to frame it though.

[rusticgal]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

wow that's a very harsh thing to say Rustic, no one is saying what you did was wrong, your relationship is your relationship, I have no doubt you know best but accusing others of basically trying to rub salt in their partners wounds because they think honesty works best for THEIR relationship is out of line imo

I find it quite difficult to understand if Im honest. You are all saying if your partner was not in a good place and something came to your attention that would put them in a worse place...you would do it because honesty is the best policy....there are times when Honesty isnt the best policy. Depending what it is it can be discussed at a later date when someone is in a better place to deal with it...if the problem is diffused and goes away no one gets hurt and is none the wiser.
Each to their own I guess...

[Niamh.]

Originally Posted by rusticgal

I find it quite difficult to understand if Im honest. You are all saying if your partner was not in a good place and something came to your attention that would put them in a worse place...you would do it because honesty is the best policy....there are times when Honesty isnt the best policy. Depending what it is it can be discussed at a later date when someone is in a better place to deal with it...if the problem is diffused and goes away no one gets hurt and is none the wiser.
Each to their own I guess...

I mean I'm not going to argue with you about it because there isn't a right or a wrong way, there is only the way that works for each couple. I would never be so presumptuous to say I knew better than you about what works best for your relationship.......

[AnnieK]

Originally Posted by rusticgal

I find it quite difficult to understand if Im honest. You are all saying if your partner was not in a good place and something came to your attention that would put them in a worse place...you would do it because honesty is the best policy....there are times when Honesty isnt the best policy. Depending what it is it can be discussed at a later date when someone is in a better place to deal with it...if the problem is diffused and goes away no one gets hurt and is none the wiser.
Each to their own I guess...

My point was more that if there was a chance of it coming out I would rather it come from a place of love, not malice. But, as I said its personal and I would never judge how someone conducts their relationship as I would hate to be judged.

[user104658]

Originally Posted by rusticgal

I find it quite difficult to understand if Im honest. You are all saying if your partner was not in a good place and something came to your attention that would put them in a worse place...you would do it because honesty is the best policy....there are times when Honesty isnt the best policy. Depending what it is it can be discussed at a later date when someone is in a better place to deal with it...if the problem is diffused and goes away no one gets hurt and is none the wiser.

Each to their own I guess...

For me personally, it's because I know my wife is very (very) on the ball and there is a HIGH likelihood she would find out "whatever it is" anyway, and if she did find out and then found out that I already knew, that would cause much more harm than knowing in the first place.

[rusticgal]

Originally Posted by Toy Soldier

For me personally, it's because I know my wife is very (very) on the ball and there is a HIGH likelihood she would find out "whatever it is" anyway, and if she did find out and then found out that I already knew, that would cause much more harm than knowing in the first place.

Fair enough....lucky my husband isnt ....and I dont know where the 'Horse' came from either..