[ChristmasNeeve]

Originally Posted by lostalex

honestly i was probably most like your 3rd friend, i never wanted to, but my brother really wanted it, and he does;t really use the internet and computers much, so i really did it for him. I honestly felt like i was betraying my mom (my adoptive mom) by doing it, especially because my adoptive mom died, but because my brother really wanted to find out, i started on the journey, and it turned out to be awesome. but it's definitely an individual choice. I'm lucky to have had an amazing adoptive family, and they will always be my REAL family to me.

I think she feels like her biological mother abandoned her so she doesn't want anything to do with her which I think is a little unfair considering when my friend would have been born, Ireland was totally under the catholic Churches control and a young , single girl would have had literally no other option but to give up their baby, alot of times they were taken against their will. But of course it has to be her choice. It's not that I think she should find her mother, I just think she should forgive her and understand that she probably had no other choice back then

[lostalex]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

I think she feels like her biological mother abandoned her so she doesn't want anything to do with her which I think is a little unfair considering when my friend would have been born, Ireland was totally under the catholic Churches control and a young , single girl would have had literally no other option but to give up their baby, alot of times they were taken against their will. But of course it has to be her choice. It's not that I think she should find her mother, I just think she should forgive her and understand that she probably had no other choice back then

Yea, i'm Irish Catholic too, and was adopted through a catholic charities adoption agency. There's a lot of baggage in catholic families, because of the shame of being a young unwed mother, and also they don't believe in abortion.

but really it's usually just a case a young mother wanted a better life for her child. not that she doesn't want her child, but she is just doing what she believes is best even though it is painful for her.

In my case i am grateful to my biological mom for giving me to a loving family. that's always what my parents told me, my mom really wanted me, but she made a great sacrifice to give me a better life. and it was the truth. I am grateful to both my biological mother and my adoptive parents.

[ChristmasNeeve]

Originally Posted by lostalex

Yea, i'm Irish Catholic too, and was adopted through a catholic charities adoption agency. There's a lot of baggage in catholic families, because of the shame of being a young unwed mother, and also they don't believe in abortion.

but really it's usually just a case a young mother wanted a better life for her child. not that she doesn't want her child, but she is just doing what she believes is best even though it is painful for her.

In my case i am grateful to my biological mom for giving me to a loving family. that's always what my parents told me, my mom really wanted me, but she made a great sacrifice to give me a better life. and it was the truth. I am grateful to both my biological mother and my adoptive parents.

Yeah I absolutely agree with that. It must be heart breaking for a mother to give her baby up for adoption and I believe there are very few women who could carry a baby in them for 9 months and not feel devastated to have to give that baby away

[lostalex]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

Yeah I absolutely agree with that. It must be heart breaking for a mother to give her baby up for adoption and I believe there are very few women who could carry a baby in them for 9 months and not feel devastated to have to give that baby away

I think it's very wrong for an adoptive family to tell their kids that their mom didn't want them. i'm so glad my parents never said something like that. I think some adoptive families tell their kids "your mom didn't want you" so you should be grateful that WE adopted you. i think that is very ****ed up and toxic.

My adoptive parents always said the exact opposite. My Mom and Dad always said to me that my biological mom really loved me, but because she was only 15 she knew she couldn't provide for me, so she trusted them to love me because she knew that they would give me a good home, and they always told me if i ever decide to find her it wouldn't bother them at all, because they will always love me as a son. They always said that i was a gift to them from my mother. They always made it seem like i was loved by both my biological family and my adoptive family.

It actually makes me cry to think about how awesome my parents were. They were always honest about my adoption and always said the only thing they care about is my happiness, and that they were grateful to get to adopt me, they never ever made me feel like i should be grateful to have been adopted by them.

I think when it comes to adoption, the adoptive parents should never speak badly about someone's biological mom.

[ChristmasNeeve]

Originally Posted by lostalex

I think it's very wrong for an adoptive family to tell their kids that their mom didn't want them. i'm so glad my parents never said something like that. I think some adoptive families tell their kids "your mom didn't want you" so you should be grateful that WE adopted you. i think that is very ****ed up and toxic.

My adoptive parents always said the exact opposite. My Mom and Dad always said to me that my biological mom really loved me, but because she was only 15 she knew she couldn't provide for me, so she trusted them to love me because she knew that they would give me a good home, and they always told me if i ever decide to find her it wouldn't bother them at all, because they will always love me as a son. They always said that i was a gift to them from my mother. They always made it seem like i was loved by both my biological family and my adoptive family.

It actually makes me cry to think about how awesome my parents were. They were always honest about my adoption and always said the only thing they care about is my happiness, and that they were grateful to get to adopt me, they never ever made me feel like i should be grateful to have been adopted by them.

I think when it comes to adoption, the adoptive parents should never speak badly about someone's biological mom.

That's lovely Alex, your parents sound like amazing people and it sounds like they did 100% handle it the right way

[lostalex]

Originally Posted by Niamh.

That's lovely Alex, your parents sound like amazing people and it sounds like they did 100% handle it the right way

yup, they definitely did it the right way. and honestly the first time i talked to my biological mom, i was shocked how much she reminded me of my real mom. i think they would have actually been good friends. but my mom died before i ever found my biological mom. but i know my adoptive mom would have really liked my biological mom.

I thought my biological mom was gonna be some redneck trailer trash, because of the stereotypes i have about girls that get pregnant at 15, but she's nothing like that. after she gave me up for adoption, my mom got serious about her education, and she is a successful woman and has had a long marriage (producing my sister and brother)m and she has a great house and she's just a normal successful woman. she has her own career, and is educated. so her decision was best for both of us. She's not at all what i expected.